Perfect Women Finish Last

“Freedom is Found when we let go of who were Supposed to be and Embrace Who We Really Are” – Anonymous

Most of us were raised to be a certain way. Maybe it was to be seen, but not heard, or to be the ideal wife, or a consistent helper. Many of us without even acknowledging it, may be raising our daughters the same way. For decades women are taught to be classy, polite, thoughtful, good cooks, great at cleaning, good listeners, and the list goes on. As times have progressed and changed, we are now required to be smart, hard-workers, and quick thinkers. In certain places it’s expected of us to be smart, but not smarter than our male counterparts, and in other areas we must be twice as smart just to be recognized. Being a woman is a tough task, it’s like we are consistently people pleasing and it only increases in marriage and motherhood.

I have spent the last past 4 years, approaching 5 being a wife and stepmother and almost 4 being a mother. Initially I walked in trying to do it all. Trying to be the great wife, the loving stepmom, and good mother. I worked hard at it and felt like I was chasing behind a bus that I never was going to catch most days. Some days I was good at some parts, and other days I was just muddling my way through. There have been days that I felt like walking out the door and never returning. The strange part is that I have never really felt overwhelmed with motherhood, that just hasn’t been apart of my story.  But, as a wife and a stepmom, I feel consumed often.

What I learned is that the reason that I was consistently missing the mark, was because I created the mark myself. I decided that I was going to be perfect. I placed on the badge of perfect stepmom and perfect wife on my chest. I created the platform that I was expected to perform on. That’s the trick with expectations. We start assisting others with creating them for ourselves, then we begin living in them, and next thing we know we feel trapped inside of them. We lose sight of what makes us happy. We forget how to pick ourselves first. The truth is that perfect women finish last. We allow things that we know aren’t right to be okay for the sake of making everyone else feel better.

If any of this sounds familiar, STOP IT NOW. STOP BEING PERFECT and start just being you, because honestly you are perfect just the way you are. No matter who others want us to be, we must stay focused on being exactly who we are. Start speaking your mind more, start allowing yourself to say no more often, to make changes, to stand by what you feel, and to have moments where you allow you to finish first every once in a while. Stop the perfect routine ladies, because its a setup!

Kristina – The Wife and Stepmom

Mommy Needs a Drink

8637BE34-4EA2-47E8-A427-C47ED5063522I’m sure Kristina and I have said this over 5000 times but parenting is hard…well, being a good parent is anyway! Trying to balance everything from career goals, housework, quality time with your child/children, and time with your spouse is very difficult, let alone finding time just to pee in peace! Sometimes I feel like I’m balancing and juggling everything well and sometimes I feel like I’m one second away from unraveling!

Moms really do make the world go around! No disrespect to the Dads, but multitasking is Mom’s superpower! I’ve compiled a list for those Moms who are one dirty dish away from losing their shit and are on the verge of saying screw it all and running away, LOL!

1. Just Breathe- Some days it’s enough to just make it through the day.

2. Ask for help- If you have a spouse sometimes you may have to guide and instruct them on exactly what you need them to do. They can bathe and feed the kids just like you can, well maybe not the same but, its ok! I’ve come to realize that if I don’t ask for help then my husband will assume that I have everything handled.

3. Stick to a set bedtime in order to have a little time to yourself-Sometimes I get home late and feel guilty for being at work and not getting to spend a lot of time with Kodie. But I’ve realized that he still needs his rest and I need a little time to myself to unwind.

4. Sometimes you may need to take shortcuts to maintain your sanity-The house might not be up to par all of the time but it’s better to have a house that’s not the neatest versus everything being in perfect order except for you!

5. Find adult time when you can and don’t feel guilty-It’s ok to take time for yourself or you risk losing your identity and sanity!

6. Don’t listen to the Mom that says everything is perfect- Either she’s lying and too embarrassed to admit that she’s losing her shit, or she has a Nanny, LOL!

7. If you don’t find the above tips helpful, then drink wine! It helps!

~Kristle (Kodie’s Mommy