For this Marriage piece, I wanted to write about something that has helped my marriage and taught me to be a better person along the way. We so often hear that communication is the ultimate key to relationships, and that with marriages it is paramount. I agree that communication is very important, but I also believe heavily in another major “C” word in relationships, and especially marriages. That word is “compromise”. Compromise is basically defined as a concession made on all sides by agreement from a dispute that occurs between people. In my short three almost four years of marriage, I have learned that compromise is just as much as a priority as communication. It hasn’t always been something that my husband or I have been strong at, but it has been something that we are both continuingly working at growing into. If you noticed I didn’t say that we had it yet, because we don’t. We are truly a work in progress. There are days that we are great at compromising and others that we completely suck at it. However, no matter how many times we fail, we keep working at it, and that’s the key to marriage; NEVER stop working to make it better.
The three top reasons I believe that compromise is important are:
1. Offers Balance: Compromise eliminates the struggle over having a winner and a loser by offering an alternative where there can be two partners who both mutually benefit. If you are like my husband and I, you need this. We both LOVE to be winners, we will literally fight to the death for it. Compromising keeps us from allowing our egos or pride from running wild. It reminds us that our marriage is greater than both of us and shows us how we both can walk away happy.
2. Understanding: Compromise forces understanding. It gives the two of you no other option but to listen to each other’s thoughts and feelings. It helps you to take a step back from the argument and to step into the solution once you start acknowledging the other person perspective. I have found that once my husband and I, step back and listen to each other, that we usually didn’t mean something in a negative way, and both want a positive outcome.
3. Resolution: Compromise is your way out. It’s a way to gracefully walk away from the feud without clawing each other’s eyes out. Finding a resolution means that you find peace in your marriage and live to fight another day! Lol. I mean that literally. I frequently feel that we are living to fight another day.
Compromise will not happen overnight, or be a smooth transition. It takes time to build up to effectively compromising with each other, so don’t be surprised if you are not able to master compromising overnight. Even bigger than that, don’t be surprised if your partner is not onboard immediately with compromising. It takes others a while sometimes to buy into a new concept, no matter how positive it is. Why? It’s simple, we all dislike change. It’s easier for us to live in chaos than to push through the uncomfortableness of something new…… especially compromise.
Kristina – The Wednesday Wife